Mass Hysteria

The hysteria has officially begun. Barely a week into this two weeks of hell and I have already gone WAY off the deep end. This is usual for me, happens every time, but there is just so much riding on it this time that it all seems so much more important. Normal people don't experience this phenomena. Normal women don't even find out they're pregnant until they miss their period. They don't obsess over every bump and twinge and boob pain and zit and food craving wondering if that is a symptom she is pregnant.

Yes, I have about a billion symptoms right now that could possibly be pregnancy symptoms. Sore boobs, slight cramping, moodiness, exhaustion, cravings, zits, bloating... But, since I'm not one of the normal people I can't really claim those as real symptoms. See, the not normal people take something called Progesterone that helps a potential baby "stick" in the uterus but also creates all those symptoms I mentioned above. So I could be pregnant or I could just have side effects from the Progesterone or I could be gearing up to start my period. There's no way to tell. You can see how it would drive a girl crazy.

But, since I am convinced that this is going to work, I've already started planning as if I am pregnant. Oh yes, total hysteria. I've already calculated my due date... for a single baby AND for twins. I already have names picked out... for a boy, a girl, twin girls, and twin boys. I've been browsing for nursery bedding and furniture and have already been decorating the nursery in my head... again, for a boy, a girl, twin girls, twin boys, and boy and girl twins. I even found a stroller that I like... single and double, of course. I've started looking at maternity clothes and have picked out several "must-haves" for my summer wardrobe.

It is the only thing I think about during every waking moment of my life and many of the sleeping moments of my life as well. Except, last night I had a dream of a really tall stack of Double Stuf Oreos with a cup of hot fudge sauce on the side and I was dipping the Oreos in it. You think that means I'm pregnant... or just in love with Oreos? I seriously can't think of anything else. This is all consuming. It is going to be a very long week. You guys may have to have me committed.

All I know is if this doesn't work, it is going to be the biggest crash you've ever seen. Monumental. I don't know how I'll ever pick myself up from this one. Joe is already talking about running away to the Keys again. You know, our plan from right before last time we got pregnant. Walk away from everything and live like gypsies, just us and the dogs. It may the only option because I really don't think I'll be able to function normally in the real world. I've been on this roller coaster so many times and am very familiar with all the things that I'm currently feeling. I've had so many due dates over the years. You don't know how many bedding sets I've picked out for nurseries and how long some of them have now been discontinued for. I know this feeling and it is terrifying because I know what always comes next. I know everybody wants me to stay positive and I am definitely trying but, honestly, I am scared to death.

Anybody have a time machine I can borrow?