I'm really kinda pissed off tonight. Most of you that were at my sister's wedding heard about the drama that went down with the "wedding planners". Yes, the quotes are appropriate because although they called themselves "wedding planners" they were really only big fat disappointments with cigarettes hanging out of their mouths.
I'm gonna break it down for you. Lindsey felt like she needed someone, a professional, to help out with her wedding. Someone who would help set up the ceremony and reception sites, someone who would coordinate all the other vendors, someone who would take charge of the rehearsal, the ceremony, and all the events at the reception. When we first met these women they were very accommodating. They pretty much said they would do anything we needed them to do. I noted at that first meeting that they weren't very "take charge" but they were nice and seemed like they would be really helpful. Fast forward to about a week before the wedding. They weren't returning phone calls, they showed up late to meetings in sweat pants with their children in tow, they hadn't called any of the other vendors or bridal party to confirm or give any kind of direction. By this point the bride to be was getting a little worried.
The day before the wedding we all met at the reception site to help set up. Those two "wedding planners" sat on their fat butts and didn't help us do anything! The bridesmaids, bride, mother of the bride, and a few family members did everything. Actually, you know what, to be fair the planners did alphabetize about half of the place cards, and one of them made a phone call to UPS about some missing linens but hung up before getting any valuable information and only called back after my urging to call back and speak with the UPS driver. Even when it was clear we were having trouble figuring out how to gather the linens on the head table they never stepped in to help and only got out of the chair when my mom specifically asked them if they had any suggestions. After we set up we all left a little concerned with their abilities to help us out.
The rehearsal that evening didn't go much better. The planners didn't even know the groom's name. Hello... he's one of the main people in the event, I think it's important to know his name! They set the groomsmen up wrong even after they were given a list of how they were supposed to be lined up. They didn't know what order the mother and father of the groom were supposed to go down the aisle. The poor bride-to-be was running the whole rehearsal. Not once did they step in to take charge of anything. Remember, they are calling themselves WEDDING PLANNERS and they didn't even know how a wedding ceremony was supposed to go. We had pretty much reached the boiling point with them that night.
But then the wedding day came. The tipping point was when the bride-to-be showed up to get ready, bawling and saying her wedding was turning into a nightmare. The planners set up her floral vases wrong even after they had been given specific instructions on how to do it and were even shown how to do it. Even after they were told to re-do them they didn't. At the wedding they called the groom's mother Mrs. Smith... and that's not her name. They didn't set up the ceremony site and the mother of the bride had to do it when she arrived. They didn't reserve seats in the front row for the groom's parents to sit and after being told they needed to make room for them, they made two full rows of people get up and go and stand in the back of the ceremony! To top it off, they left the ceremony before cleaning up the site like they were supposed to do leaving the bridal party to take up all the decorations and get on our hands and knees to pick up rose petals off of the grass.
The reception wasn't much better. Since they never called any of the other vendors to confirm or go over anything there was a lot of confusion on the time line they created for the event. No one knew when any of the events were supposed to happen. They did not help coordinate any of the big "moments" at the reception or help to get people in position for what was about to happen. They pretty much sat outside the reception site at a table in the corner eating and smoking cigarettes. They were outside when it was time for the bride and groom to cut the cake. Noticing that there were no plates on the table to put the cake on after it was cut one of the bridesmaids ran outside to let them know this. The planner turned to the bridesmaid and asked, "well where is the caterer". Um... I have no fucking idea... you're the planner, get off your fat ass and go find out. After the cake cutting the planners left without saying goodbye, without asking if we needed anything else, without making sure that we were ok to handle the cleanup... which, by the way, they said they would help with.
I'm writing all this out because, number one, it makes me feel better to get it all out and, number two, the drama is still ongoing. My mom cancelled payment on her check for the balance of their services ($250). We all felt it was the right thing to do as these women not only didn't do their jobs but made the wedding and reception much more stressful and disorganized than it needed to be. I think if we would've just handled things on our own everything would have gone much smoother. The reason I'm pissed off tonight, though, is that my mom got a letter in the mail today saying that these women were going to sue for the $250 if my mom didn't pay it. Seriously. It is the most ridiculous thing I've heard in a long time. I don't know what world they live in that they think they can do a terrible job and still get paid. I know if I sucked that hard at my job that I would surely be fired. But, what are our options? Take it to small claims court, hire an attorney, pay thousands of dollars and spend months of our time fighting over this? I think we've all decided that the best way to handle this is to go ahead and pay the money but also to do our best to let other people know how awful these women were. We will definitely be filing a complaint with the Better Business Bureau and the Space Coast Wedding Association.
When running a small business all you really have is your reputation and word of mouth. Those two women have really ruined that for themselves. Now, not only did they disappoint one bride but they have 166 people who would not recommend them to anyone else. I think that's the best way we can answer their ridiculous law suit. So, for anyone who is getting married or knows someone else who is getting married let me just warn you that the women who run Love Forever Weddings in Titusville, Florida are horrible at what they do and I wouldn't recommend them to plan a backyard barbecue let alone an event the magnitude of a wedding. Save yourself a lot of aggravation and look elsewhere for a planner.
It really just makes me mad that my sister's day is clouded with this nonsense. I think after this, I need to just let it go. I need to keep all the good memories of the day and get rid of the bad one. Because it was a beautiful day and my sister looked gorgeous and married the man that she loves and I did have a good time with her and with my family. And isn't that the most important thing?
Wednesday, April 30, 2008
Sunday, April 27, 2008
Cocktails and Cake
Well, it's here. Today is the eve of my 29th birthday. I can not believe I'm 29. I don't feel like I'm 29. I don't think I look like I'm 29. But, then again, what do 29 year olds look and act like? When I was young I could never imagine being this age. I would see people in their late twenties and early thirties and just couldn't imagine being that person. Not that there was anything wrong with those people, it just seemed like a lifetime away. But, I guess, it has been a lifetime getting here. It is really just crazy knowing that I am one year away from being thirty. Thirty. Wow.
In the past I've had some trouble with birthdays. I took 25 especially hard. I didn't want to acknowledge that it was happening and I really didn't want anyone else to acknowledge it. It was really hard for me because by that time in my life I had goals set out that I wanted to accomplish and I hadn't yet. I think realizing that gave me the kick in the ass I needed to accomplish those goals but it was hard. It was almost a feeling of failure. But within my 25th year I bought a house and graduated from college and crossed those two huge things off my life's "to-do" list.
I've dreaded turning 29 (and 30). Actually, I think what I dreaded was getting old. But now that it's here I think I'm really ok with it. Really. For the first time in my life I feel at peace with myself. And honestly, I don't feel old at all. I feel like I know what I like and I won't settle for things I don't. I know what makes me happy and what doesn't. I know myself. I get cranky when I don't eat and I can get lost in fashion magazines, I love flare leg jeans and can't even imagine stepping into ultra-trendy skinny jeans. I like singing along to sappy songs and love sunrises. I love nature and floating in my pool. I love my dogs and don't understand people who don't. I take pride in folding my laundry into perfect stacks and I completely loathe cleaning the bathroom. I know that I'm too impatient to straighten my naturally curly hair and know that even though they might pinch my feet I will wear high heels everyday. I know I'm a smart and funny girl. I'm even getting better at realizing that I am a pretty girl. I'm finally ok with my size and no longer yearn to be a size 5. I love my husband and love that he loves me unconditionally. And even though they drive me nuts sometimes I love my family and love that they're close enough to see whenever I want.
Along with knowing my likes and dislikes I also feel as if I've met a lot of my life's goals. Obviously not my entire life's goals because I'm sure I'll keep adding to the list, but the goals I thought I'd accomplish up to this point. I'm a successful person living a comfortable life. How can you complain about that? One huge goal that I haven't accomplished is having a baby but I'm trying so hard not to dwell on that. When I look at the big picture I have a lot to be thankful for. Focusing on the one thing I can't have is really the wrong way to look at my life. I will not live my life based on what might happen in the future. If I've learned one thing in my 29 years its that you can't plan the future. You can prepare for it but you never know how your life is going to turn out and trying to plan too much is just setting yourself up for disappointment when things don't go the way you planned.
I haven't decided what I want to do to celebrate this milestone birthday... the last birthday in my twenties. I feel like it deserves a celebration. We may go stay at a nice hotel in Orlando and go to Pat O'Briens. That's another thing I've learned that I love, singing along at piano bars while drinking neon colored cocktails, relaxing pool side at a fancy hotel and having waiters bring me drinks. But, I think my favorite of all birthday traditions has to be the cake. So, here's to a delicious piece of birthday cake and to 29 years of finding out just who I am. It stinks that it took me 29 years to figure out what makes me happy but, on the bright side, at least it didn't take me 50. Happy Birthday to me!! Everybody have a piece of cake or a neon drink in my honor.
In the past I've had some trouble with birthdays. I took 25 especially hard. I didn't want to acknowledge that it was happening and I really didn't want anyone else to acknowledge it. It was really hard for me because by that time in my life I had goals set out that I wanted to accomplish and I hadn't yet. I think realizing that gave me the kick in the ass I needed to accomplish those goals but it was hard. It was almost a feeling of failure. But within my 25th year I bought a house and graduated from college and crossed those two huge things off my life's "to-do" list.
I've dreaded turning 29 (and 30). Actually, I think what I dreaded was getting old. But now that it's here I think I'm really ok with it. Really. For the first time in my life I feel at peace with myself. And honestly, I don't feel old at all. I feel like I know what I like and I won't settle for things I don't. I know what makes me happy and what doesn't. I know myself. I get cranky when I don't eat and I can get lost in fashion magazines, I love flare leg jeans and can't even imagine stepping into ultra-trendy skinny jeans. I like singing along to sappy songs and love sunrises. I love nature and floating in my pool. I love my dogs and don't understand people who don't. I take pride in folding my laundry into perfect stacks and I completely loathe cleaning the bathroom. I know that I'm too impatient to straighten my naturally curly hair and know that even though they might pinch my feet I will wear high heels everyday. I know I'm a smart and funny girl. I'm even getting better at realizing that I am a pretty girl. I'm finally ok with my size and no longer yearn to be a size 5. I love my husband and love that he loves me unconditionally. And even though they drive me nuts sometimes I love my family and love that they're close enough to see whenever I want.
Along with knowing my likes and dislikes I also feel as if I've met a lot of my life's goals. Obviously not my entire life's goals because I'm sure I'll keep adding to the list, but the goals I thought I'd accomplish up to this point. I'm a successful person living a comfortable life. How can you complain about that? One huge goal that I haven't accomplished is having a baby but I'm trying so hard not to dwell on that. When I look at the big picture I have a lot to be thankful for. Focusing on the one thing I can't have is really the wrong way to look at my life. I will not live my life based on what might happen in the future. If I've learned one thing in my 29 years its that you can't plan the future. You can prepare for it but you never know how your life is going to turn out and trying to plan too much is just setting yourself up for disappointment when things don't go the way you planned.
I haven't decided what I want to do to celebrate this milestone birthday... the last birthday in my twenties. I feel like it deserves a celebration. We may go stay at a nice hotel in Orlando and go to Pat O'Briens. That's another thing I've learned that I love, singing along at piano bars while drinking neon colored cocktails, relaxing pool side at a fancy hotel and having waiters bring me drinks. But, I think my favorite of all birthday traditions has to be the cake. So, here's to a delicious piece of birthday cake and to 29 years of finding out just who I am. It stinks that it took me 29 years to figure out what makes me happy but, on the bright side, at least it didn't take me 50. Happy Birthday to me!! Everybody have a piece of cake or a neon drink in my honor.
Tuesday, April 22, 2008
Whirlwind
I can't believe it's over. This week that we've been anticipating for a year and a half is over. The family arrived and are gone, the wedding is over, the house is cleaned up. It happened so fast. But even though it went quick we had a great time while it lasted.
Having my family here was amazing. We truly enjoy each others company and have so much fun together. We really don't see each other enough but I am really grateful for the times we do get to spend together. I was so happy to have my cousins staying in our house instead of at a hotel. Number one, it is much safer (no video cameras are getting stolen from my house) and number two, Joe and I got to spend so much quality time with everyone. We got to see the babies when they went to bed at night and again first thing in the morning. We got to laugh and talk over pots of coffee. We even got to bond over our favorite bad reality show, Rock of Love. I'm so glad that I was able to open my house to all of you.
Family dinner on Thursday night was great. I got to experience one of my favorite family moments, everyone screaming over each other to be heard. We also had some pretty intense Guitar Hero challenges. Having all my cousins and their spouses and their children and our aunts and uncles all singing Slow Ride was hilarious. Seeing my mom and aunt trying to play Guitar Hero was even more hilarious. It was crazy seeing my cousins as parents now. We've all grown up together and have gone from being the kids to being the adults. Now there is a new generation of kids to entertain us all. It is wonderful watching our family grow.
I think the highlight of my weekend, though, had to be watching my baby sister get married. She made the most gorgeous bride. Seeing her step out of the limo onto the sidewalk took my breath away. Watching her walk up the aisle smiling and crying brought tears to my eyes. We all had a great time dancing and partying at the reception. Having my sister turn to me on the dance floor, drink in hand, saying, "my wedding is so fun", was great. After all the planning and the drama it is nice to have that great moment to remember.
Now my house is deafeningly quiet. The bathrooms are clean, there are no dishes in the sink, the floor has been vacuumed and mopped, the dogs are sleeping peacefully, there is nothing left to do, no one here to talk to or babies to chase around. Its kind of crazy to go from chaos to calm in a matter of hours. I know that everyone is trying to plan a trip north in August. We're going to try our best to make it up there. We'll bring the chaos to New York for a while. I can't wait to see you all again. I am so lucky to have such an amazing family.
Having my family here was amazing. We truly enjoy each others company and have so much fun together. We really don't see each other enough but I am really grateful for the times we do get to spend together. I was so happy to have my cousins staying in our house instead of at a hotel. Number one, it is much safer (no video cameras are getting stolen from my house) and number two, Joe and I got to spend so much quality time with everyone. We got to see the babies when they went to bed at night and again first thing in the morning. We got to laugh and talk over pots of coffee. We even got to bond over our favorite bad reality show, Rock of Love. I'm so glad that I was able to open my house to all of you.
Family dinner on Thursday night was great. I got to experience one of my favorite family moments, everyone screaming over each other to be heard. We also had some pretty intense Guitar Hero challenges. Having all my cousins and their spouses and their children and our aunts and uncles all singing Slow Ride was hilarious. Seeing my mom and aunt trying to play Guitar Hero was even more hilarious. It was crazy seeing my cousins as parents now. We've all grown up together and have gone from being the kids to being the adults. Now there is a new generation of kids to entertain us all. It is wonderful watching our family grow.
I think the highlight of my weekend, though, had to be watching my baby sister get married. She made the most gorgeous bride. Seeing her step out of the limo onto the sidewalk took my breath away. Watching her walk up the aisle smiling and crying brought tears to my eyes. We all had a great time dancing and partying at the reception. Having my sister turn to me on the dance floor, drink in hand, saying, "my wedding is so fun", was great. After all the planning and the drama it is nice to have that great moment to remember.
Now my house is deafeningly quiet. The bathrooms are clean, there are no dishes in the sink, the floor has been vacuumed and mopped, the dogs are sleeping peacefully, there is nothing left to do, no one here to talk to or babies to chase around. Its kind of crazy to go from chaos to calm in a matter of hours. I know that everyone is trying to plan a trip north in August. We're going to try our best to make it up there. We'll bring the chaos to New York for a while. I can't wait to see you all again. I am so lucky to have such an amazing family.
Thursday, April 10, 2008
Whistle while you work
'Twas the week before Lindsey's wedding and all through the house, Tricia was vacuuming, and dusting, and washing, and organizing...
I've been a cleaning machine this week! I've been working on getting my house all clean and ready for everyone's arrival next week. I guess its good that I'm getting all my spring cleaning out of the way but I think it would've been a lot easier if I had cleaned some of the stuff since last spring!
I am so excited for all of my family to be here next week. Even though we talk through email and myspace its nothing like having us all in the same room at the same time. I'm also really excited for everyone to see our house. I've blogged so much about it that a lot of you already know what it looks like but Joe and I are so proud of all the work we've done we just want to show it off.
Wedding stuff is moving on at a furious pace. My mom and Becky and I just finished the wedding programs last night. We're kind of down to the wire where all you can do is sit back and wait for it to happen. I remember that feeling from before my wedding. Everything was picked out and paid for and confirmed, you just had to wait until your day to see how all that planning turned out. I remember being a little psycho towards the end and thinking that I must have forgotten something or that I needed to add extra stuff at the last minute. But neither of those things happened and the wedding went off without a hitch. Its amazing how huge a production a wedding is and how long it takes you to agonize over the smallest details that most people don't even notice. All they know is that they had a great time.
Joe and I are doing better since my last post. Believe it or not its kind of nice not having to think about your ovaries 24 hours a day. We're just gonna go with the flow for now. We're not quite sure what our next step will be and we're going to give ourselves some time to decide. I appreciate everyone's kind words and wishes of love and support. Its nice to know that we have so many people who love us.
On that note, its time to get back to cleaning. I've got a "to-do" list that's about a mile long. I can't wait to see all of you and to party it up on the dance floor!
I've been a cleaning machine this week! I've been working on getting my house all clean and ready for everyone's arrival next week. I guess its good that I'm getting all my spring cleaning out of the way but I think it would've been a lot easier if I had cleaned some of the stuff since last spring!
I am so excited for all of my family to be here next week. Even though we talk through email and myspace its nothing like having us all in the same room at the same time. I'm also really excited for everyone to see our house. I've blogged so much about it that a lot of you already know what it looks like but Joe and I are so proud of all the work we've done we just want to show it off.
Wedding stuff is moving on at a furious pace. My mom and Becky and I just finished the wedding programs last night. We're kind of down to the wire where all you can do is sit back and wait for it to happen. I remember that feeling from before my wedding. Everything was picked out and paid for and confirmed, you just had to wait until your day to see how all that planning turned out. I remember being a little psycho towards the end and thinking that I must have forgotten something or that I needed to add extra stuff at the last minute. But neither of those things happened and the wedding went off without a hitch. Its amazing how huge a production a wedding is and how long it takes you to agonize over the smallest details that most people don't even notice. All they know is that they had a great time.
Joe and I are doing better since my last post. Believe it or not its kind of nice not having to think about your ovaries 24 hours a day. We're just gonna go with the flow for now. We're not quite sure what our next step will be and we're going to give ourselves some time to decide. I appreciate everyone's kind words and wishes of love and support. Its nice to know that we have so many people who love us.
On that note, its time to get back to cleaning. I've got a "to-do" list that's about a mile long. I can't wait to see all of you and to party it up on the dance floor!
Saturday, April 5, 2008
Ups and Downs
This week and last have been incredibly challenging for me and Joe. We have been on a roller coaster ride of emotions. We started back on infertility treatments and were planning to try another IUI. We ordered all the medication and started taking the shots and the medication. Everything was going well until an ultrasound revealed that I was responding very well to the medication. In fact, I was responding a little too well. My doctor won't go through with an IUI if there are too many follicles for fear of hyperstimulating the ovaries which could cause some severe health problems. So my choice at that point was to cancel the cycle or to convert to InVitro Fertilization (IVF).
The good thing about converting to IVF is that you skip a lot of the beginning stages of birth control pills and shots and other medications. I was already past that stage, they just needed to grow my follicles a little more and we could proceed. Another good thing is that converting to IVF half way through saves you about half the cost. This would be our opportunity to try IVF for the lowest possible price we'd be able to pay. The doctor thought I had great looking follicles and that I would be a perfect candidate to try.
We didn't really give it too much thought. Even though it was still going to cost about $4600 we wanted to try. We figure we've spent money on much less important things before so what's so wrong with going into a little debt so that we can try to have a child. So, we went for it. We increased the medication and starting taking other medications. I was back and forth to my doctor's office in Orlando three days this week for blood work and ultrasounds and all kinds of craziness. Things were going really well and the nurses kept telling me how great my follicles were doing and that at my age I would have around a 50% chance of getting pregnant.
Joe and I were so excited but also nervous and anxious. We're just so ready for this to happen that we were willing to put our hearts into this treatment 100%. Then Friday came. For some reason in two days I went from being "the perfect candidate" to having follicles that just stopped growing and some even started to collapse. My estrogen levels dropped even though I was pumping myself full of medication that should've done the exact opposite. The nurses don't know why it happened but said that it does happen sometimes. So, the only thing they could do for me was cancel my cycle.
Needless to say Joe and I are crushed. We went from being excited for another opportunity to try IUI to all of a sudden being thrust into IVF treatments and being overwhelmed with all the new information involved with that to being back to square one. Yesterday was a really hard day. I know it doesn't do me any good to say, "why me", but I can't help it. I just really don't understand why the world works the way it does. It's just not fair.
I read an article a couple of months ago called "Addicted to Hope". For me, hope is like a drug. With every new cycle there are grand fantasies of "what if". When those nurses were telling me that I was such a great candidate and everything looked good and that I had a 50% chance of getting pregnant I was thrilled. I was flying on cloud 9, imagining myself pregnant, trying to figure out my due date, looking at nursery decor and maternity clothes, planning for a future that I wasn't even certain was going to happen. I know it's not smart or healthy to do those things but I just get so hopeful that this one is going to be the one. Then comes the bad news and the crash of emotions that go along with it. It's like I go through a physical withdrawl of all those happy and hopeful feelings and I just want to jump off a bridge. I want to crawl under a rock and disappear until all the heartache and sadness go away. But I can't. I have to face the world and explain to people what happened even though I would rather walk over hot coals than have to tell people that it didn't work again.
Somehow I manage a brave face. I honestly don't know where it comes from. I swallow the lump in my throat and I fight back the tears and I pretend that everything is ok even though that is the farthest thing from the truth. When I'd rather be curled up in a ball crying on the floor I managed to talk to people and laugh just like any other normal day. Sometimes I really amaze myself. But once I get away from everyone and its just me and Joe its a terrible collapse into an emotional wreck. I stopped on the way home last night for a bottle of wine. Anything to numb the pain. Today we decided to treat ourselves to a little shopping spree. Ok, it wasn't so little but it felt really good. It probably isn't the most responsible thing we could've done but we figure that since we're not spending $4600 to try to get pregnant we could at least spend a couple hundred on ourselves.
So now its up to us what we want to do next. I think we decided last night to take another break. We're going to give it six months and see what happens and then decide what to do next. Hopefully we'll be able to squeeze a nice relaxing vacation in there too. We really deserve it.
The good thing about converting to IVF is that you skip a lot of the beginning stages of birth control pills and shots and other medications. I was already past that stage, they just needed to grow my follicles a little more and we could proceed. Another good thing is that converting to IVF half way through saves you about half the cost. This would be our opportunity to try IVF for the lowest possible price we'd be able to pay. The doctor thought I had great looking follicles and that I would be a perfect candidate to try.
We didn't really give it too much thought. Even though it was still going to cost about $4600 we wanted to try. We figure we've spent money on much less important things before so what's so wrong with going into a little debt so that we can try to have a child. So, we went for it. We increased the medication and starting taking other medications. I was back and forth to my doctor's office in Orlando three days this week for blood work and ultrasounds and all kinds of craziness. Things were going really well and the nurses kept telling me how great my follicles were doing and that at my age I would have around a 50% chance of getting pregnant.
Joe and I were so excited but also nervous and anxious. We're just so ready for this to happen that we were willing to put our hearts into this treatment 100%. Then Friday came. For some reason in two days I went from being "the perfect candidate" to having follicles that just stopped growing and some even started to collapse. My estrogen levels dropped even though I was pumping myself full of medication that should've done the exact opposite. The nurses don't know why it happened but said that it does happen sometimes. So, the only thing they could do for me was cancel my cycle.
Needless to say Joe and I are crushed. We went from being excited for another opportunity to try IUI to all of a sudden being thrust into IVF treatments and being overwhelmed with all the new information involved with that to being back to square one. Yesterday was a really hard day. I know it doesn't do me any good to say, "why me", but I can't help it. I just really don't understand why the world works the way it does. It's just not fair.
I read an article a couple of months ago called "Addicted to Hope". For me, hope is like a drug. With every new cycle there are grand fantasies of "what if". When those nurses were telling me that I was such a great candidate and everything looked good and that I had a 50% chance of getting pregnant I was thrilled. I was flying on cloud 9, imagining myself pregnant, trying to figure out my due date, looking at nursery decor and maternity clothes, planning for a future that I wasn't even certain was going to happen. I know it's not smart or healthy to do those things but I just get so hopeful that this one is going to be the one. Then comes the bad news and the crash of emotions that go along with it. It's like I go through a physical withdrawl of all those happy and hopeful feelings and I just want to jump off a bridge. I want to crawl under a rock and disappear until all the heartache and sadness go away. But I can't. I have to face the world and explain to people what happened even though I would rather walk over hot coals than have to tell people that it didn't work again.
Somehow I manage a brave face. I honestly don't know where it comes from. I swallow the lump in my throat and I fight back the tears and I pretend that everything is ok even though that is the farthest thing from the truth. When I'd rather be curled up in a ball crying on the floor I managed to talk to people and laugh just like any other normal day. Sometimes I really amaze myself. But once I get away from everyone and its just me and Joe its a terrible collapse into an emotional wreck. I stopped on the way home last night for a bottle of wine. Anything to numb the pain. Today we decided to treat ourselves to a little shopping spree. Ok, it wasn't so little but it felt really good. It probably isn't the most responsible thing we could've done but we figure that since we're not spending $4600 to try to get pregnant we could at least spend a couple hundred on ourselves.
So now its up to us what we want to do next. I think we decided last night to take another break. We're going to give it six months and see what happens and then decide what to do next. Hopefully we'll be able to squeeze a nice relaxing vacation in there too. We really deserve it.
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