Breaking out the big guns

I guess its time for full disclosure. I've been keeping my fertility treatments very quiet in hopes that not talking about them would make it easier for me to deal with. But, we have just had back to back IUI's fail and its time to be open and honest about where this journey is headed.

After a lot of soul searching and talking and crying, Joe and I have decided to move along to IVF. I can't say it was a difficult decision to make emotionally but it was a very hard financial decision. Our doctor has been suggesting IVF to us since last January but, because it was so expensive, I decided to have laparoscopic surgery to correct the damage to my tubes and continue pursuing IUI. My insurance at the time paid for them and, since we'd had a pregnancy with IUI, we decided to go that route. But, since those have not worked we feel like we need to move on to a treatment plan that offers a better chance at success.

So, off we go. IVF is crazy. It is a long, labor intensive process. I have already started the preliminary blood work and testing and Joe will start his soon also. We're scheduled to go for an "IVF seminar" the second week in January where we'll learn all the steps to IVF. But basically I'll start by taking birth control pills (crazy, right?), then a medication to completely suppress my ovaries so they won't start producing follicles too soon. Then I start the "stimming" phase. This is where I do injections of follicle stimulating hormones to help my ovaries produce lots of follicles. Once those follicles are ready, I'll go in for a retrieval where they will remove the eggs from the follicles, place them in a petrie dish and introduce Joe's sperm. Over the next 24 hours, the embryologists will watch the eggs to see how many fertilize. They will then decide which ones are the strongest and I'll go back and have those embryos put back into my uterus. Hopefully the embryos will implant and I'll get pregnant. Hopefully.

Because of the cost, Joe and I can afford to do this once. Talk about pressure. But, we're going to try to remain hopeful. If it doesn't work we've discussed a couple different options but we're really not sure what we'll do. Do you think its appropriate to have a bake sale to raise money for IVF? You know, a "Bun in the Oven" fundraiser. Get it, hahaha.

It sucks that we've had to take yet another step further into the infertility journey but we're dealing with it as it comes. I never in my life thought that this is how it would be. We're determined that one day we will have a baby in our lives. We have so much love and so many laughs to share with a child that we know someday it'll happen for us. The journey may be long and the road along the way may be filled with potholes but it will just make arriving at the destination that much sweeter.

So, there you have it. Out in the open, exposed, for everyone to see. Its scary to me for all of you to know this. Now there are expectations and questions and comments. I can't hide and pretend I'm ok. But if I'm doing this, I'm doing it all the way. I can't hide from reality anymore. Its time to be brave and face this head on and hopefully come out on top. If I don't, I know I'll have the support of my friends and family to help me through. As I get really going into the process I'm sure the blog will be heavy on the IVF info. Sorry if its boring but my ovaries will pretty much be ruling my world for the next two months. I'll try to blog about some lighter stuff here and there too.

And so it begins...