Poor, misguided victim of fashion

This post may come off as superficial but I really hope it serves as a wake up call to all the fashion victims in this world. Maybe they don't know what they look like or maybe no one has ever told them a different way so I feel it is my duty to set the record straight once and for all.

Nothing annoys me more than a visible panty line. I don't understand how any woman can still allow this to happen. Open ANY women's magazine, turn on Oprah or Tim Gunn or What Not To Wear, shit, turn on the 6 o'clock news and you will see info on how to find the proper undergarments. I just don't get it. Can these people not see their panty lines? I don't know how they could miss them because they are like red, flashing beacons to me.

This post is really inspired by a poor, misguided victim of fashion that I came into contact with today. This was a case of VPL on steroids. The lady was wearing high-waisted, dress capris (don't even get me started). Underneath I think she must have been wearing the smallest pair of underwear known to man. How do I know? Because I could see the entire outline of the undies squeezing her body so tightly that her flesh was bulging out all around them. I swear I think my jaw dropped. I wanted to run to her and show her the ways of proper fitting undergarments, the joys of not having flab squish out around the seams of her panties, the comfort of unconstricting waist/leg bands. But I couldn't. All I could do was sit there in shock and watch the poor lady walk away to face a work day full of VPL. If it was a friend or a relative you'd better believe that I would've pulled her aside and given her a lesson... and a sweatshirt to wrap around her waist. But this was a person that I hardly know. I couldn't bring up her undergarments. So I had to come here to put the world on full alert that VPL is wrong and can be prevented.

There are several ways to avoid VPL. I think the first rule of thumb is to buy undergarments that fit. If you've gained some weight and haven't bought new panties because you're hoping you'll lose the weight, snap out of it! Maybe you will lose the weight, but do yourself a favor and buy some panties that fit your body right now. There are several types of undergarments you could buy depending on what you're wearing, what kind of control you need, and what your lifestyle is.

Lets start with the thong. With a thong, obviously you won't have panty lines around the butt because there is nothing covering your butt. But, you need to make sure that there are also no panty lines around the waist band. For those, like me, with butts too jiggly for a thong, option number two is the boy short. This is my personal favorite. They give you a smooth behind, are comfortable as hell to wear, and can be worn under everything from dresses to jeans to dress pants. Those looking for even more coverage can look into option 3, body shapers. Ever wonder how celebrities always look so thin and sleek in their red carpet gowns? Their bodies aren't that great, they are wearing Spanx. Ah Spanx, the miracle invention that can make you look 10 pounds thinner almost immediately. They come in all different varieties from a high waisted panty to a full legging. They suck it all in. For comfort, you might want to reserve these for special occasions but if you want to look 10 pounds thinner all the time you can certainly use them everyday.

So, moral of the story, check your ass in the mirror before leaving the house. If you can see the outline of your undies, you're wearing the wrong kind. Take yourself to any number of stores and find some proper fitting undergarments stat! Don't be a poor, misguided fashion victim. I just can't take it!