Changes

I've always been very proud of the relationships I have with my girlfriends. We've been friends for 14 years and have experienced just about everything together. They are the people who have known me best. The ones who know what I'm thinking just by looking at my facial expression. The ones who've "got my back" when I need some support. The ones who I can depend on to tell me that I'm being unreasonable. I have always treasured my relationship with my girls.

Recently, though, I've noticed that our friendships seem to be going off track. We used to all be on the same page with boyfriends, college, jobs, weddings, houses.... Lately it seems like we're not even reading the same book. We're all at very different points in our lives and it feels like we just don't relate like we used to. We've all got our own personal issues that we're dealing with from infertility to career change to child care to divorce. And, of course, each of those issues is the most important thing to whoever is facing it. I just feel sad that we seem to be drifting in such opposite directions.

I've always heard and been told that marriage is hard work. You and your partner are constantly growing and changing and you have to keep talking and growing with each other to make sure it works. I never thought I had to do the same thing with my friends. I think I took for granted them always being there even if we didn't talk all the time or see each other as much as we'd like. They've been such a constant in my life that I figured they'd always be here. They're all still here but it's definitely not the same.

At this point, I feel like we're just doing the least amount that is necessary to stay in contact. We email several times a week but it's really turned into a generic email to everyone describing your past weekend and what you'll be doing the next weekend. There isn't any depth anymore. The phone calls are definitely fewer and farther between and the actual face-to-face visits are turning into a semi-annual (or annual) event.

I know that I am partially to blame. I've gotten very wrapped up in my life and problems that I don't reach out as often as I should. We all are busy with work and home and whatever else we have going on. It's easier to sit down and pop out a quick mass email than it is to take the time to call her and listen to what's really going on with her. Maybe it's true what they say about the "email age". Sure we can keep in touch easier but you lose a lot of thoughtfulness in translation.

So, I think I am going to add another item to my "goal list" for 2008. I am going to try to be a better friend. I'm going to make an effort to get to know my girlfriends again. I will try to pick up the phone more often and not while I'm doing 10 other things. I'm going to go find a quiet place, close the door and actually listen. I am going to try to make an effort to visit my out of town girls and make more lunch and/or dinner dates with my in-town gal. And girls, if you're reading this, I'm sorry for neglecting you. Our friendships mean so much to me and I'd hate to lose them over something as dumb as being lazy. I may not understand exactly how you feel with whatever problem you're dealing with but I will always be here to listen to you vent.