It's all about me!

So yesterday I got really pissed off about a situation that happened and I started thinking about how I'm too accommodating sometimes. I don't remember exactly when I started putting other people ahead of myself but it definitely happens all the time now. But, since I'm so used to doing it now I'm not really sure how to break myself of the habit.

I remember when I first started living on my own. What an amazing time! Yes, paying the bills by myself sucked and it did get lonely sometimes but for the most part it was awesome. I used to come home from work and strip down naked on the way to the bedroom. I didn't have to worry about putting my clothes away in the right spot. If I didn't, the only person who would know would be me. I could have whatever I wanted to have for dinner without having to consult someone else. If I wanted cereal or chips with french onion dip, I would have it. And if I wanted to leave the sink full of dirty dishes I could without feeling guilty about it. I could watch as much Dirty Dancing/wedding shows/crazy drama-filled reality shows and not have to worry that someone else might not like it. I could listen to Shania Twain really loud and dance around because yes, I felt like a woman. It was a time when I only had myself to please.

I think as I've gotten older and spent more time in the work force, I've become more accommodating to other people. I guess I'm looking out for the greater good more than just for myself. I think getting married and having dogs has brought it out of me too. I have to make sure I'm home from work by 5:30 so the dogs can go outside and have their dinner even if it means I can't go walk. I always consult Joe about what he'd like for dinner instead of just walking into the kitchen and making myself something. I don't cook vegetables because I know I'm the only one who is going to eat them and I don't want to make a whole can/bag and have it go to waste. I relinquish the remote and Tivo the show I really want to watch so that he can watch what he wants to. I don't go out and shop whenever the mood strikes because I know that the money is better off being spent on gas or groceries. All of those things are ok but after a while the not-doing-stuff-for-me starts to add up and starts to make me mad.

Another thing that's bad about getting into that pattern of behavior is that people start to expect it from you. You stay late for your boss a couple of times because he's dicked around all day instead of doing what he was supposed to and then all of a sudden (at 4:45) he needs something done right away. If you open yourself up to accommodate that type of behavior, the person then thinks it's ok to keep doing it. Well, it's not ok. If you do someone a favor to help them out, the next time they might add on to the favor until it's really inconvenient for you. But, because you've been doing favors for them you feel bad if you say no.

I think this happens a lot with women. We're such nurturers that we always want to make sure everyone around us are comfortable and happy and taken care of. I'm sure those of you with children feel this way even more. But I don't think we're doing ourselves any good by not taking care of ourselves. We need to say "no" sometimes and take those moments for us and do things that we want to do. I know it is terribly hard to break the pattern because I have no idea how to do it but I want to propose that we all try.

My goal for the future is to start doing more for myself. I'm just talking about little things like eating cereal for dinner and not worrying about what Joe will eat. He's a grown up, he knows how to heat up a hot dog. I will go walk after work even if I'm running late. The girls can wait a half hour later to have their dinner sometimes. If you, Mr. Boss-Man don't show up to work until 4:00, after I've been there by myself all day, I will not stay late to help you squeeze 8 hours of work into 2. Not fair! Come on time, when the rest of the world started working. I will watch The Hills or My Big Fat Fabulous Wedding on the big TV in the living room. If Joe doesn't like it, we have another TV he can watch. And I won't feel bad if he wants to go in the other room and watch it. I will tell people no if what they're asking is really inconvenient for me. I will not let myself get mad about stuff people ask me to do but still do it and then stew about it for the rest of the day. I will listen to you talk about your child/husband/mother's attitude problem if AND ONLY if you will also listen to me talk about whatever the hell I want to talk about that is important to me. And, I will buy one more magazine even if I have 4 at the house that I haven't finished reading yet. I like the person on the cover and I want it!

I know the stuff doesn't seem like much but it is stuff that I am giving up in my daily life. One at a time, it wouldn't be so bad but when you combine it all it seems like all I'm doing is taking care of everybody else. And, don't get me wrong, I do get to buy magazines and watch some of my shows but I always feel guilty for doing it. I feel like I'm putting Joe out by making him watch a show he doesn't like or by spending $4.50 on a new magazine. I know he doesn't really care but it makes me feel bad. I guess what I really want to change is that feeling. I shouldn't feel bad or guilty for doing something that makes me happy. I think that I will be a better wife and hopefully someday a better mother for doing it. If you keep putting other people before yourself you can start to feel resentful and after a while those feelings can build up until you're ready to explode. No one wants a wife/mother/employee/friend/sibling/daughter that's on the verge of ripping your head off if you ask a favor. So let's avoid the beheadings and start doing stuff for us! Remember that independent girl? She's still in there, let her have some fun!