I think I might be done with the blog. I mean, let's be honest, I don't really blog that much anymore anyway. But instead of trying to pretend I'll find time to write I may just have to let go and say goodbye.
I love my blog. I have loved it over the past 3 and a half years. Even though I honestly can't believe that it has even been in existence for that long. It has helped me get through some very tough times and has helped me express feelings that I couldn't say out loud. I've poured my heart and soul out over this web page. It started as a way to share my pregnancy... my first pregnancy. Little did I know what it would turn into over the years.
I've really used the blog as therapy. There were nights that I would just sob as I wrote, letting out all the emotions I was holding inside. Those moments feel so far away now. For so many years I had a hole in my heart that was just festering with anger and jealousy and resentment and sadness. I feel like Evan has filled that hole now. I still have scars but the wounds are healed. People tell me I'm a different person now, that I even look different, and I agree. I am different now. I'm happy. My heart is whole. I don't have that emptiness anymore. Evan has brought so much joy into my life. He was my missing piece. Don't get me wrong, I still have issues. Don't we all?! I'm tired and stressed and insecure but I have this amazing little boy that smiles at me and makes it all better.
I just don't feel like I have all that much to say anymore and that when I blog it isn't true feelings and emotions coming out, it's just words to get words on the page. Like an after-thought. I feel terrible letting it go but if I can't do it right, I don't want to do it at all. And it is so much easier to share via facebook!
So thank you for hanging in with me through three pregnancies, two miscarriages, lots of medications and shots and doctors and ultrasounds and tons and tons of tears. Thank you for always being supportive when I needed it the most.
Joe told me I have to sign off the blog with a random quote from The Chappelle Show. Dave Chappelle playing P. Diddy, "that's it, I'm closing down the studio". LOL
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2 comments:
well, I have to say that I am really going to miss this. It actually brings some tears. You (and the blog) have been through so much. Evan is a blessing. Evan is amazing. You are so right by saying that your heart is whole now. You and Joe truly are complete.
I am going to miss this too--some of your blogs were really funny and some sad,,glad the sad and longing is gone xoxoxoMOM
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