Hard to believe

I've been blogging for almost 3 years now! Can you believe it? I most certainly can not. I started the blog way back on May 30, 2007 as a way to share the joys and progress of my first pregnancy. We all know how well that worked out. Over the years and through all the ups and downs, I've always turned to blogging as a way to vent my frustrations and share all the good things and bad things happening in my life. Which is why now, three years and two pregnancies later, I can't figure out how I've let myself slack off so much. I finally have some good news to share with everyone yet I can't find the time or energy to get online and share it. But I always seemed to have the time to get on and blog about the bad. Strange right?

It reminds me of a saying from Pretty Woman that said something about the bad stuff always being easier to believe. I think that might be my problem. The bad stuff that's happened to me has always been so much easier to accept. I mean, of course I don't understand why all that bad stuff happened to me but at least it was real and I could accept it as a part of my life. All this good that is happening to me now, not so easy to believe or accept. Even though I'm getting reassurance from the doctor and books and with every day that this baby is still with me, I just can't seem to believe that this is real. Even talking about it, it doesn't seem like I'm talking about myself. It's like I'm telling someone else's story.

Joe and I keep wondering when it'll hit us that we are actually having a baby. I think maybe once I start showing or when we find out the gender or when I feel the baby move for the first time. But it's even hard for me to imagine those things. It's like I have some sort of mental block where I can't imagine myself with a big belly or wearing maternity clothes or going to a shower that's being thrown in my honor. I just can't "see" those pictures in my head yet. We've started looking at cribs and bedding and strollers but even that seems so far away that I can't fully wrap my mind around it.

But, the fact is, I've almost made it through my first trimester. Saturday I will be 13 weeks and, from what I've read, that's the end marker of the first trimester and the beginning of the second. I'm still constantly exhausted and hungry all the time and have been very moody but, other than that, I feel pretty good. That might have something to do with my not believing this is happening too. I sometimes forget that I'm pregnant at all. I'm up about three pounds from my starting point which really isn't bad considering how crappy I've been eating. I want carbs and junk food ALL THE TIME. I told Joe that there is no doubt this is his baby I'm carrying around. I haven't had one specific craving but will crave 100 different things in a 24 hour period. It changes constantly and I'm trying really hard not to give in to everything. I am getting my fruit and milk and whole grains and trying to choke down some vegetables whenever I can.

I don't know when I'll fully believe this is real but I will try harder to share the good things that are happening in my life instead of only complaining about the bad stuff. I've posted a couple of belly pictures from 10 and 12 weeks. I'm looking way rough in the 10 week picture but tried to make up for it in the 12 week picture. I was dressed up for my company party last night so I figured it be a good time for a picture. I'll keep you posted on my progress after my appointment on Wednesday.