SURPRISE!!

I'm pretty sure you have all heard by now that Joe and I are expecting. I think it came as a shock to all of you, but you have no idea how shocked we are. We weren't trying. Not that we were preventing, we haven't prevented since we got married, but we weren't trying or seeking treatment. Yup, for the first time in six years we got pregnant naturally. Crazy!

Since we weren't trying or keeping track of anything, I really don't know how far along I am. My last period was over 50 days ago so when the doctors look at their "wheel" they estimate I'm 8 weeks along. But, I have to remind them that I'm not normal and don't fit the parameters on their "wheel". For the last six months, my cycles have been anywhere from 33-65 days. So the fact that I hadn't had a period in over 50 days really didn't mean anything to me. In fact, it was well within my "normal" range. By my best estimation, I'm probably in the 5-6 week range.

The story of how we discovered this isn't all that exciting. Last Friday I had some brown spotting. I thought I was finally getting my period. But the spotting was very light, didn't even fill a pantyliner, and went away by the end of the day. Then my boobs started getting really sore. I still thought that my period was on the way and I kept running to the bathroom expecting to see it. But it never came. I was also REALLY moody. Like even more than normal. Borderline crazy. And I was ravenous. I remember that happening to me with my first pregnancy. On Monday I started adding up the symptoms and asked Joe what he thought. We both kind of blew it off thinking that it would never be possible. But, for our peace of mind, we went ahead and got a pregnancy test.

The line came up immediately. I mean, before the test even processed to the control line, the positive line was there and dark. My first reaction was that I had a defective test. I've never seen the positive line show up that fast and thought my control line was in the wrong place. Then the control line came up. I. Almost. Died. I whipped open the bathroom door and Joe could tell by the look on my face that it was positive. He came into the bathroom to look for himself. With everything we've been through, our reaction wasn't the normal reaction to a positive pregnancy test. We both kind of had an "oh no, here we go again" reaction. Because for us, a positive pregnancy test usually ends up breaking our hearts. But we laughed and cried and hugged and celebrated something that we've never been able to celebrate before. An honest to goodness surprise pregnancy.

I was able to get in for a blood test and my numbers, at this point, are very good. The doctor likes to see HCG levels of at least 100. Mine was 1152! With my other two pregnancies, I never had a number over 105. So it made me feel better to see such a high number. I don't have a real doctor's appointment until Monday and I hope they'll schedule me for an ultrasound as soon as possible. I really, really want to see that heartbeat! I think once I see it I'll feel a million times better. I'm just so scared that something is going to go wrong. I hold my breath every time I go to the bathroom, afraid that I'll be bleeding. I analyze every little symptom and try to figure out if it is "enough" for me to really be pregnant. I don't know how to shake that scared feeling.

I attribute this pregnancy 100% to my new healthy lifestyle. I think the diet and exercise helped me ovulate. I kind of wish someone would've told me to do this a long time ago. Not that I would've listened, but still. You'd think the doctor would encourage me to lose weight and get healthy before subjecting my body to so many invasive tests and procedures. But, they don't get paid to be weight loss consultants I guess.

At this point we're maintaining a cautiously optimistic attitude. We really want to be happy and enjoy this time in our lives but are still carrying around the memories of our losses. We both feel much better this time around than we have with any of the others. We feel that since this one happened on it's own and wasn't done synthetically that maybe it is stronger than the others were. Maybe the best of the best from both of us finally got together and have made our baby. That's what we're hoping for anyway.

I will keep you posted after my first appointment on Monday. Thank you all so much for all the kind words and well wishes you've sent our way. It means a lot that our baby already has so many people that love him/her.