One small step for a woman

Progress. Small steps in the right direction. That's what I'm taking. This weekend I had a long overdue conversation with my family and I feel like we all got a chance to say what we haven't been able to say for a long time. Hopefully it will help us move forward. I've also made an appointment to see a counselor. I'm scared as hell but feel like it's necessary. I need help. I need someone to help me out of this place. This very scary/confusing place.

The place I'm at right now is so weird. I have two extremes going on in my life. On one side, I'm doing amazingly well with my diet and exercise. I'm now down 19 pounds and am fully into a size 10. In jeans even! My body is looking better, I'm feeling better, I'm making progress with my running, and I'm very proud of my accomplishments. On the other side, though, I have the tangled mess of my infertility. I'm at a crossroad and really, really don't know where to go. My choices are getting more and more limited and harder and harder to make. I'm hoping the counseling will help me with those decisions.

I feel sad that I'm stepping back from the blog. I just feel like I've gotten to a point where my sharing is hurting/offending others. I don't want to do that. I miss the outlet though. I have been doing some blogging anonymously and it helps to get those feelings out but I love "talking" to all of you and seeing your comments and knowing that you're out there. And, besides the diet and exercise, my issues with infertility are really the biggest thing going on in my life. So I feel like that's the only thing I have to talk about. And, believe me, talking about it gets old after a while. Again, I hope the counseling helps with that. Maybe once I get it all out it'll free up my mind to talk/think about other things.

I do have one silly story for you though. I was at the gym the other day and noticed, when I got on the treadmill, that it had water spots on it. I thought someone spilled their water or something. Then, when I was running, I felt water splash on me every once in a while. I kept thinking, "dang, I'm really sweating a lot today". Then I noticed the dude on the treadmill next to me. Actually, first I noticed his treadmill was very wet... like it was raining on it. Then I noticed him, dripping sweat and flinging it all over his general vicinity... and mine. It took me a minute to put together the fact that the water dripping on me wasn't mine, but his. I almost barfed all over my treadmill. A few days later I noticed him running (and spraying) again but that time I chose a treadmill away from the splash zone. So gross. I'm so glad my gym has anti-bacterial wipes handy so I can wipe down the machines. Blech.

Big road trip coming up this weekend. Joe and I (and the girls) are making a trip to Alabama to visit with his family. 13 hours in the car, on some of the most rural roads ever. I think I'll be updating my i-phone with some music to keep us entertained. I love to sing in the car... Joe doesn't love it so much when I sing. I can always tell I've gotten too loud when he turns up the volume. I can't help it... the rhythm moves me. Last time we visited Alabama, we left after work and drove all night. We have vowed to never, ever do that again. We were way too tired and the roads up there are way too dark. So this time we plan on leaving very early Saturday morning. We'll be back on Tuesday. Hopefully I'll have lots of fun stories from the bible belt to share with y'all.

I hope you all have a great week!