D-day

Today would've been my due date. I've been dreading this day for almost 8 months now. I didn't know how I would handle it. Honestly, I thought for sure I'd already be pregnant again. Obviously that's not the case.

Overall, I think I did pretty well. Over the past few weeks I wondered what this day would be like. Would I be stuck in bed unable to face the world, would I cry, would I forget, would I tell people what the day meant to me? None of those things happened. I just got up for work like it was any other day. I had a few daydream moments where I wondered what it would be like to have a nine months pregnant belly or to experience labor or to see my newborn child for the first time. But, I snapped back to reality and was able to function like I do everyday. I think I realized that I can't "coulda, woulda, shoulda" myself to death.

If there are any good things that can be gained from that terrible situation, it's that I now have a great job with great pay and great benefits. If I wouldn't have lost my baby I probably would've stayed at my old, dead end job. And believe me, my new job is a million times better. So, I guess that's one good thing that's come out of the bad. At least now when I do get pregnant again I'll have amazing insurance that will cover me and the baby and I'll have actual maternity leave. All good things.

Recently, it was reported that the singer Lily Allen was pregnant and she, unfortunately, miscarried. My heart just broke for her in that situation. I know it was terrible telling the people around me what had happened. Can you imagine having to tell the whole world? That poor, poor woman. I really just feel so awful for her. It really makes me appreciate the fact that I'm not a celebrity. I know how embarrassed I felt so I can only imagine having that feeling magnified times a million for her.

Moving on.... (that needs to be my new motto)

Can you guys freaking believe that Heath Ledger is dead? KA-RAZY! That's right... it's so crazy I spelled it with a "K". I've been on Perez all evening trying to get more details since both Entertainment Tonight and Access Hollywood are falling down on the job. It seems the police found both prescription and over the counter sleeping pills in his bedroom. It's just so sad and so terrible. He was 28 years old and has a two year old daughter who, now, will never know him. Sad, sad, sad.

Anyway, it's a wine kind of night so I'd like to say a toast to a hopeful future. It's not much but I'm clinging to it for dear life.