Cheater Cheater Pumpkin Eater

I know I've really been slacking on the blogs lately. I'm very sorry for that. I feel like my creative juices are being stretched really thin. Between trying to help Lindsey plan for her wedding and trying to plan her shower and help Becky think of ideas for Pierce's first birthday and try to think of ways to redecorate my house and how to lose more weight and pay off more bills and get pregnant.... It's just all too much for my poor brain. So, tonight I'm cheating. I'm giving you a new blog but it is not original material. I hope you find it funny just the same.

I am a self-proclaimed magazine addict. I can't get enough of the damn things. My new job is only helping to feed the addiction. There is a box in the "ladies lounge" where people can bring their old magazines for other people to read. That box is like a pot of gold for me. I check it everyday to see if any new magazines have been tossed in. I'll read just about anything too. I've found myself reading Better Homes and Garden magazines from 2000! Which, by the way, totally intrigues me to read a magazine that was written before September 11, 2001. It's hard to remember the world before terrorism was in our faces 24/7. We were so naive back then. Anyway, I'm getting off track. So, today I picked up Women's Health. It's a pretty good magazine, there were a few good articles in it. But, I came across a feature called "The Girl List" and it was so funny I was laughing my ass off (by myself) in my office break room. It also has some really good points. I want to share it with you and hope that you enjoy it as much as me.

The name of the article is "Trite and True, 21 cliches that say what they mean and mean what they say" by Lisa Jones. (All of the comments are the author's. They were so good, I didn't feel the need to embellish.)

1. Just be yourself

2. If "yourself" is not a morning person, wake up and (smell) drink the coffee. Everything else can f-ing wait.

3. This too shall pass. Hangovers, heartache, blackheads, and bad hair cuts- time heals all. Except for a UTI. That misery-fest demands antibiotics, pronto.

4. When in doubt, throw it out. Apply this first rule of fridge cleanup to anything you're not sure you need anymore- that little black dress that fits a much littler you, crushed tampons in purse pockets, the hot-but-boring boyfriend.

5. Life's a bitch. But aren't we all sometimes?

6. Maybe she got promoted before you or looks better in skinny jeans. But maybe you have more friends and bigger boobs. So why compare? Another woman's success is not a measure of your failure.

7. Separate the men from the boys. Hint: The mean are the ones who make you orgasm and pancakes.

8. Open your heart. The scary stuff that makes you vulnerable is the good stuff.

9. If the shoe fits (wear) buy it. When it comes to a sale in the foot ware department, she who hesitates is lost.

10. Make out like a bandit. Life is too short to go unsexed.

11. You'll know it (the right job, man for you) when you see it... and who says you have to explain it to others who don't?

12. A leopard can't change its spots. Nor can an ex-love unbreak your heart when you give him a second chance. Or a third. Or a fourth.

13. Absence makes the heart grown fonder- and the libido grow stronger.

14. Love what you do and do (what) who you love. Even if he never takes out the recycling.

15. Show me the money. More often than not, you have to ask for it. Subtlety doesn't pay the rent- or earn your bosses respect.

16. Fake it till you make it. Hey, it worked for George W.

17. Save the drama for your mama. Complaining, whining, making excuses- all unattractive and boring to anyone who's not you. Nobody said it would be easy.

18. Just do it. Those lifetime goals don't just happen. It's all about the baby steps, baby.

19. You are what you eat. Nature's reminder: asparagus pee.

20. Everything in moderation. And when you forget that: Liquor before beer, you're in the clear.

21. Love many, trust few, but always paddle you own canoe. Unless, of course, you're up a creek without a paddle. In which case, you're totally screwed.


Hope you enjoyed. Hopefully I won't have to keep ripping off other people for material. Keep checking back. The creativity could strike at any moment. I could keep blogging about Jazzercise. One class is enough material for several blogs. Maybe I should change the blog name to "Jazzafreakinglutely". What do you think? It's kinda catchy. LOL