Four years ago today I was a blushing bride just two hours into my new marriage. It seems like forever ago and I can hardly remember some of the details. Things that seemed so important when we were planning just fade into the background of my memory now.
Joe and I had a longer-than-average 16 month engagement. We took time and planned everything out so our wedding day would be just right. You learn a lot of stuff while planning your wedding. You learn the proper way to address a formal envelope and can calculate the correct postage just by picking it up. You learn to recognize the songs Cannon in D, Ave Maria, and Jesu, Joy of Man's Desiring and can tell them apart. You learn how to read a Farmer's Almanac, a satellite radar, and visit the NOAA website hourly to see what the chance is that it will rain on your wedding day. You learn way too much about hors de oeuvres, plated and/or buffet dinners, cake flavors, and champagne. You learn it all and you whip it all up into one magical day.
What you don't learn is how to be married. As I mentioned earlier, today is my four year anniversary. I laughed to myself this evening about this very fact as I was hosing the dog poop and dirt off my pool deck. We've come a long way in four years. Gone are the champagne and strawberry fantasies that you see on TV. I don't mean that in a bad way I just think that after a while you don't need all that bull shit anymore. Life is what you live everyday not just on anniversaries and holidays. If your everydays are good, you've got it made.
It is so interesting, though, how much planning we (as a society) put into weddings but we rarely think about what married life will actually be like. I know that I am speaking as an amateur here but being married is hard. It's not all white dress, cake eating, first dance romantic. I think a lot of people go into married life with a fantasy of what it will be like. I'm sure that fantasy doesn't include arguing about what you'll have for dinner, the power struggle over who will take the garbage out or the mortification you'll feel after your husband finds, and then plunges for you, the mess you unintentionally left in the toilet. You think it'll always be romantic and sweet and loving. And it is, sometimes, but you need to be prepared for the other times too.
In our four short years as husband and wife, we've experienced a lot of ups and downs. We've been through quite a bit from infertility and heartbreak to being so broke we can't even afford to buy anniversary cards to wanting to strangle each other on the way home from long car trips. But, so far, we've managed to get through it all by talking and laughing and remembering that there may be tough times but there are always good times too. There is a line in a song that I love and it always makes me smile. It goes, "it's the little things that only I know, those are the things that make you mine." I think that's true of marriages too. It's the little things in a marriage that make it strong and that make it special to the two of you. If we can remember to take care of the little things, the big stuff should be a piece of cake..... wedding cake.
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I went to a wedding this past weekend and it was a jewish/catholic ceremony performed by a rabbi and a priest. The rabbi gave a small talk on marriage and his words carried so much meaning. He said, "we have all heard that your wedding day is the best day of your life and that is not true. It is a good day but live each day to be better than the day before, because if today is the best day then you have nothing to look forward too." I thought- how true is that! We do get caught up in centerpieces and cake and flowers and dresses and prior to my wedding, I never thought about what it was going to be like to actually be married. Now my life is happier than I ever imagined and I am so happy to be married. I had a great wedding but I would never want to go back and do it again because every day does get so much better. I live with and love my best friend!
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